Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Video Blog - Britney, Happy Birthday!

Hello people, that have all be influenced by the amazing Britney, in some way, shape, or potato....

Here is my video blog, dedicated to the one and only Britney Spears! Oh yeah!

Sunday, November 30, 2008

In the News...

Don't try this at home, or any other place without a trained professional. ;)

2 Days Ago this tragic event happened.

Eden Parker, the world's oldest woman died at a "young" age of 115 years and 220 days.
Born April 20th, 1893...thats 101 years before me!!
Coincidently, she was in the SAME nursing home as the gigantic 7 foot, 7 inch woman - are you sure one of her parents aren't a giraffe?

Back to the old woman, she is amazing and lived in three different centuries - anybody that lives over 110 years old is known as a supercentenarian (a endangered species of rasien only 89 known to be left on the entire Earth)

So...have your own mini tribute to Eden Parker.
She amazes me!

And here is an awesome picture of her:
Image: Edna Parker

Friday, November 28, 2008

First Video Blog

Hey people of the planet that is covered mostly with a giant blue thing, also known as water,

Here is the first of my video blogs.... hope you enjoy. And don't forget to play the moo game!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Random Acts of Randomness - Ticket Eating Old Dude

Hola! I wonder how they say "pigs" in Spanish. Moving on to the Ticket Eating Old Dude...

Well, I was at Publix (The pleasure of shopping.) and was getting provolone cheese ( the proviest!) Anyway, ya'll know those ticket things the deli peoples make you get that are all green and paperish, he had one. I guess got bored then ate it!!! Just sholved half of it in his mouth and bite. Yum Tasty?

Friday, October 24, 2008

Random Acts of Randomness - T.V Hosts I Do Not Like

Dr.Phil - He thinks he has got some sort of magical answer to everything - after all he is not Charlie the Unicorn or anything. I was watching his show the other day and it was about killer texting - which is like killing people and texting at the same time. Anyways, there was a 21-year-old that could drive with her knee while texting. People DON'T text under the influence...everybody know that!?! One word of advice to Dr.Phil - Keep looking for the amulet.

Suzy Orman - She made Oprah's show the worst ever!! She is 56-years-old and looks like she is in college or something. (layoff the Botox) I mean really and she thinks she knows it all about money, too bad she spends it all on her facial skin. Hopefully by the time she is 90-years-old she can have at least one wrinkle on her face, but she is kinda tight in the way she knowns Oprah.

<3 Oprah!

Monday, August 18, 2008

Warning May Cause Death: Doors

Ever have a bad experience with doors? I know I have countless times - especially those stupid glass ones at hotels. I would keep walking into the glass bruising my forehead over and over. This is why doors may cause death; they're very dangerous. They can whack you in the face for no reason at all - ouch! There are sliding or electrical doors too that you just expect to open, but they won't - thats going to leave a mark. On this one television show, there was this guy that got hit in the face with a door and suddenly had all this girls chasing him. He got tired of all this and eventually kept hitting himself in the face with the door to return to his regular ugliness.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Fantastic Foods - Waffles

Waffles are fantastic and come in circular and squarish shapes - both of which I love. After being cooked in the toaster (my favorite of all appliances) you can top it with anything, butter, mayo, ketchup, blueberries...I think you get the point. It's very easy to eat on the go with being so thin and delicious.

They even have their own restaurant - the Waffle house! Waffle houses are one great thing about America, no matter where you are in the whole United States you can always pull over on the side of the road and be within four-five miles of a waffle house - plus you may meet some great toothless people in there.

Just like toast, you can play Frisbee with it then eat it - I wonder if the squarish one would be good at flying far?

Did you know the waffle has been around since the 14th century? Well, you do now, they used to be called wafers and are extremely similar to what we call a waffle today. Back then, they had waffle makes that imprinted stuff like coat of arms or royal symbols for the richer people in the medieval days.

Go eat a waffle!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Digg'n in the Dictionary - normal (#10)

Normal is my tenth word in Digg'n in the Dictionary found on page 984 of my dictionary.

Normal as stated in the dictionary is "standard; conforming to, regular; free from mental illness."

Well what is considered "normal"?

I personally think nothing can be normal and how could such a word exist in a world with billions of people expressing themselves. I would rather be called anything else, but normal because I'm very random and don't like to conform to everyone else - do they rawr at people in the middle of where shopping is a pleasure? (Publix). Your probably wondering what that was all about so I'll tell you...I was waiting for a very long time to get lunch meat - I hate waiting - and we all had to take numbers and I was like number 89 and they were serving 81 so I just had to do something about this. Well, I "RAWR'd" very loudly and they waited on me very quickly to make sure I wouldn't make an episode. Back to normal, according to the dictionary very few people are normal with all of these psycho people in hospitals and psychiatrists with people telling them their issues. So...help me get this word out of the dictionary and call Webster today.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Random Acts of Randomness - Random Elderly Psycho Woman

Who doesn't like to see people that need lots of psychiatric help? Well, my brother helps out fixing computer stuff at this hospital and went into the top security section (the wackiest people!) of the psycho ward to fix stuff! There was this random awesome psycho woman he encountered, she was about 70 years old and carrying around a cabbage patch doll that was all beat up and kept saying things like "I'm having a baby!" , "Is it going to be a boy or a girl?" repeatedly and never really stopped. So...what do you think is it a boy or girl?

Friday, August 8, 2008

Politically (In)Correct - Hobos

Who doesn't like hobos? We make fun of homeless people but they can be the best of friends at times - if they don't want to con you out of a house. Anyways, they're great...and they happen to be politically incorrect. We are constantly degrading them as a "hobo" - I know this one dog thats name is "Bobo" so it's not that far off. Hobos cannot afford things that we all take for granted, cable TV, the internet, a house. Just walk up to some random hobo and give him/her a cell phone. Yes, a cell phone, you can do many things with it. All in one little device you can call people, go on the internet, watch television and much more. They would be very useful for hobos because they are very easy to carry around without a place to set it down. So...give the next hobo you meet your cell phone and stop degrading hobos. They're awesome!

Do you want some oatmeal?

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Useful Nouns - California

Hey people enjoying the pleasure of the internet!

A place that has it all is California - even though I've never been there. You can do it all in California it has the beach, and the mountains - I think. It's flat in one part and all high in the other - how strange, but awesome. Anyways, you swim, surf, and build sandcastles...then drive and meet some hillbillies or rednecks - no offense to rednecks I like the color red. Then after I get some crazy redneck chasing out of the redneck zone I would probably go to Hollywood and pretend to be some random awesome celebrity.

The best thing that could ever happen to me is while I'm on vacation in California is to meet Oprah Winfrey on the beach with a four pronged fork and eat eggs with Oprah. What about you?

Does anyone want a tattoo of your face on my arm? Seriously.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Today at School... - School Excuses

Hey people that go to school...Today I was at my middle school picking up my schedule for my classes and getting other junk you need for the first day. Anyways, I was thinking to myself...Do I really want to waste another year sitting in a classroom when I'm so close to the beach? Eh nope so I came up a few diseases to get out of class that the school nurse won't know about and will definitely send me home or I won't even have to bother to go in the first place. Why not try them yourselves? Here's their names and symptoms:

1. Insignia - You wake up and have a headache, your stomach hurts, your hands are sweaty, your big toe is enlarged and you just don't feel right.

2. Electra - Your tongue is swollen and your throat is dry and you electrolytes are low so you must stay home and drink Pedia-light.

3. Epifani - You had continual nightmares throughout the night and caused you not to get any sleep, woke up in the morning with blurred vision and feeling dizzy and need to stay in bed for the day.

Make sure you space these excuses out because you don't want to have to get checked by the Infectious Diseases Department in your area.

About Today at School...

Hello People of the Internet or the ciberespacio as Spanish people may call it!

This new series is inspired by my school... How boring can class get at times? Well, while I'm in class, and I have nothing better to do then introrse at the teacher, but not listen because she's talking about blah, blah, blah... I can write something random!... So if anything awesome and random happens at school - or while I'm bored at school - I'll be sure to tell you about it!

¡Los viejos miran y olor como pasas! - Translation: Old people look and smell like raisins!

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Today Volunteering...

Location: Public Library
Date: August 2, 2008
Subject: Sabrina

Sabrina is always talking about random stuff 'cause she a bit senile and talks about whatever the book is about that she checks-in to the library - and sometimes drops it 'cause theres a spider on the cover.

Despite how busy we were due to the computers program not working for two hours, Sabrina was still lolly gaging and taking to book, as usual. In my county all our branch share stuff we own. Anyways, something from another branch was being checked in by Sabrina and the computer said "Return to CIT." so...Sabrina talked to the book and told him - or her - "You can go home now and be with the rest of the books at CIT." How strange? Does she have some special ability to talk to books or something? I wonder what they converse about.

Ew!...tomatoes.

Note: The names of person(s) in this posting have been changed to protect the identifies of them. All person(s) are considered innocent until proven guilty in the court of randomness! Which is actually a good thing!

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Digg'n in the Dictionary - snafu (#9)

Snafu is my ninth word in Digg'n in the Dictionary found on page 1355 of my dictionary.

Snafu as stated in the dictionary is "disorder or confusion; mixed up as usual; mishap, mistake".

Without snafuing the world would be perfect, right?

Well right...but this could never happen 'cause everybody makes snafus and there are a lot of mental insane people that have disorders and are constantly confused. I make tons on snafus and I'm sure you do too, without snafuing you can never make a mistake - that would be totally hard to do. My brother helps out at this hospital fixing computer stuff and one time had to go into the psycho people ward so...since snafued people are insane I'm going to tell you some stuff he told me.

There are different levels of security - 2500 low, 2600 medium, 2700 high - (how crazy the people are). He went into the 2600 level and there were all these people in glass containers! (Not really, just in a hallway full with rooms attached...) This one dude came up to the window of the nurses station, where my brother was at and asked, "When can I get some fresh air?" And the nurse said, "Later today at 1 pm." The dude went away. Came back 5 minutes later, and asked "When can I go home?" And the nurse said, "Not for a long, long time." I love people who are slightly snafued, and straws...

I surely love this word, what about you?

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

About Randomology

One, two, three, four...
Hey, hey, hey people and primates of the World, Internet, the Planet Mars, and Gwam!

I'm starting a new series "Randomology"... as you may know, my current occupation is a randomologist - a person who studies how random the universe is, and the reactions that are an outcome of a random event or action.

I would like to educate my readers of what I do, how to be correctly random (yes, there is a way to be random), and how to analyze a random event/action, and the response to that event/action.

Um Hum - How about around of applause for the new series. Hopefully you can become as desultory as a true randomologist!

Fantastic Food - Pizza

Hey People, if it's Oprah Winfrey press 1, otherwise press 67.

There are many fantastic things you can do with pizza...and I want to let you know what some of them are. First off, you can put anything on pizza - including cereals of roundness. Pizza is one of the only foods that you can actually get delivered to your door - or window. To order it you must speak to a person on the phone - which its pretty fun to mess with them by telling them you want a shoe on the side or something bazaar like that. Anyways back to pizza, instead of decorating cookies at the fall festival at elementary school suggest that your school should decorate pizzas - 'cause its more fun and exciting (Who doesn't like sprinkles on pizza?). Plus, pizza is one of the foods you can eat with no utensil or with a fork buddy - I enjoy using forks! There are many ways to eat pizza - like an elderly person, or cut it up, etc. Let me think of the last strange yet random thing I did with pizza. Well...I didn't eat the whole thing and I didn't want to waste it so...I went to some people in the neighborhood and put a slice in a plastic bag then stuck it in their mailbox. I don't really know if they ever got it or the greedy mail lady did.

Anyone know if the letter "Y" is a vowel yet?

Monday, July 28, 2008

Useful Nouns - Forks

Hey people who don't have llamas as pets - or if you do thats awesome!

Forks are very useful and can have up to four prongs on the end. I feel bad for all of those people out there that have three pronged forks 'cause they can't afford the extra luxury of a fourth prong. I'm glad homeless people get to experience the pleasure of four pronged forks because they give them at homeless centers. Anyways back to forks, you can use them to eat any kind of food - excluding liquidated ones. Plus a fork and a spoon - two of many utensils - can be combined to make a spork - or can it be called a "foroon" (I wonder). A fork can be a very loyal friend too that will never leave you literally empty handed at meals and will always be there for you. A fork adds an awesome touch to any kind of theme just hang it to a wall, or frame it - everyone will ask you about it. Plus, a fork is a great gift to give anyone for a birthday, x-mas, and so on.

Everybody out there find a fork buddy and chill with em'.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Random Acts of Randomness - Post- Christmas in July!

Hey People on the surface of the Earth!

I'm going to tell you about my random awesome Christmas! Well, my awesome cousin came over and we baked cookies - chocolate chip and snickerdoddles - while singing along to Christmas songs - including the one about the freak with the red nose (its okay...I like red noses!). After this, more people came over to my house and I got extremely hungry and rawr'd at everybody, so...we ate food. We talk about all these random topics from people under the ground to cars. Then we watched a Christmas movie while the pre-elderly people cleaned. After the movie, we went for a walk to the dock in my neighborhood to go outside and spread the Christmas spirit because my mom was dressed in a shirt with reindeer on it and we all had Santa hats on while loudly singing Christmas songs. Later that night, we did presents...and I got this awesome shirt that said "My monkey loves chicks." Then anticipating for the no-show Santa we all went to bed.

I hope next year more of ya'll do something. :)

Friday, July 25, 2008

Random Acts of Randomness - Christmas in July!

Hello people that are experiencing winter in the Southern Hemisphere and those in the Northern Hemisphere experiencing the heat of summer!

Well, today for the Northern Hemisphere...let it snow! Merry Christmas in July!

Today at our house we're celebrating Christmas in July! Yes, celebrating! We're doing it all...Christmas dinner - we're having spaghetti! - , Christmas tree - an awesome short one. -, presents - wrapped and lots of em'. - , baking cookies - yum! Hope I don't eat too many :P -, even Christmas towels in our bathroom! I told you my family is totally random we're having guests over for dinner and listening to Christmas music. Who knows we might even go Christmas caroling - Frosty the snowman is back!

How are all of you out there celebrating this day?

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Random Acts of Randomness - Sam's Club

I'm not the only random person in my family - we're all random :) - anyway my mom and I were at Sam's club which is a cheap local warehouse to buy food, chairs, and a bunch of other random awesome stuff. Before you leave the store - which you could never leave and hide in the huge playground set - your receipt has to be checked. After checking out with the cashier we went to this other woman to leave and we had to wait in line. I told my mom that our feet were on the camera monitoring screen above. Since we were waiting anyway my mom decided to kill time by kicking her legs like a chorus line dancer and making them dance on the screen above for all to see. Of course I had to join in. We were so occupied in doing this we did not realize we were the next person in line and there were about four people waiting behind us. Anyways, the checker lady kept calling my mom to come forward - my mom had a delayed reaction and the people got to watch her on the screen for about thirty seconds. She was somewhat embarrassed but we both can't wait to go back and do this again the next time we go shopping.

Forks are useful and come in the form of plastic.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Today Volunteering...

Location: Public Library
Date: July 19, 2008
Subject: Sabrina

Once again, Sabrina is always talking about random stuff 'cause she a bit senile and talks about whatever the book is about that she checks-in to the library - and sometimes drops it 'cause theres a spider on the cover.

Anyways, this time we were all ordering pizza - its circular (good shape whoever invented it :D ). Next time you eat pizza with a group of elderly people be sure to look at how they eat it. Sorry people on the internet, I don't have a video of this. :) To paint a mental image I'm going to describe it to you so you can act elderly! First, take a whole piece by the crust and dangle it in the air - were talking a foot above your mouth here. Then move your mouth back and forth as the slice moves left and right. Slowly bring the pizza down towards your mouth and bite it! Repeat if desired.

Results may vary :)

Note: The names of person(s) in this posting have been changed to protect the identifies of them. All person(s) are considered innocent until proven guilty in the court of randomness! Which is actually a good thing!

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Digg'n in the Dictionary - drupe (#8)

Drupe is my eighth word in Digg'n in the Dictionary found on page 438 of my dictionary.

Drupe as stated in the dictionary is "overripe; any fruit with a soft, fleshy part".

What would the world be like without the word drupe?

Well, we could not have overripe things so bananas would never go bad - they get all black and disgusting. Bananas are another story they grow up and die. Anyways back to drupes, almost any fruit would not go bad so people would stop eating it 'cause it can sit in the store forever.

Also, without drupes we cannot have old people - or the awesome pleasure of them - 'cause since raisins look like old people (no offense to raisins) and raisins are overripe grapes so...old people are overripe too. Without drupes, no old people :( - and their awesome random senileness!!

RAWR! Dinosaurs are not extinct, just hiding. ;)

Monday, July 21, 2008

Random Acts of Randomness - "Wanna bet?"

Right now, I'm watching a new television show on "ABC" called "Wanna bet?" It's a show about ordinary freaks that think they can do outrageous things. Some of the people claim that they could hula hoop with a tire, lick a CD and tell you what is on it, and solve a Rubik's cube underwater blindfolded. If you can do that...its pretty awesome.

Let me know if you have any random awesome talents and email me a video to randomologydude@aim.com if you can. I'll introrse every video you send me!

Giraffes have long purple tongues! LA! LA!

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Today Volunteering...

Location: Public Library
Date: July 12, 2008
Subject: Sabrina

Sabrina is always talking about random stuff 'cause she a bit senile and talks about whatever the book is about that she checks-in to the library - and sometimes drops it 'cause theres a spider on the cover.

Today Volunteering... I was getting a drink in the break room and I ran into Sabrina - an awesome 67 year old women and she was eating peanut butter straight out of the container - she carries it in her bag (you never know when you may want some peanut butter). As, I walked in she offered me some peanut butter and I said, "No, thanks." She went on to tell me how she never had peanut butter until she was 26 years old 'cause they don't sell peanut butter in England.

Note: The names of person(s) in this posting have been changed to protect the identifies of them. All person(s) are considered innocent until proven guilty in the court of randomness! Which is actually a good thing!

About Today Volunteering...

Hello people that like my randomness and enjoy watching elephants!

I'm once again starting a new series, "Today Volunteering..." because I do a lot of volunteering... which you should do too... and a lot of random things happen while I'm volunteering, and I want to pass these experiences of randomness along to you!

Hope you enjoy introsing at my new series!

Friday, July 18, 2008

Fantastic Foods - Toast

Hey people that are introrsing their monitors!

Did you know that toast is a fantastic food? Well, it's fantastic! Last night, I ate a piece of toast - bread is nasty (its gotta be toasted) - and it can flying at me like a UFO - thats another story. Anyway, I was said, "This is awesome! A new sport...toast Frisbee!" How fun is that?

Toast is one of the few foods that can be cooked in many different ways. With toast you can grill it, toast it, use an open fire, or use a toaster oven - and I'm sure there are more ways.

Toast is also a fantastic food 'cause you can spread stuff on it - like butter yummy! - and make other foods out of it - like sandwiches.

At my awesome school, they have free breakfast for the students - once in a while we get into issues with a hobo or two - I got a piece of toast this past school year for free every morning... and best of all I ate it! Next year, one piece of toast is going to cost a dollar - how crazy - so I'm going to buy a loaf of bread and a portable battery-operated toaster and make toast and sell it for a nickel (I like Nickels!!!). Boo school!

CHICK-A! CHICK-A! WHA WHA...

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Warning May Cause Death: Dog Meds

Today, I was listening to the radio - the non-elderly station of course - and heard and advertisement for dog medicine. The medicine name was "Phenobarbital" sounds like it'll do some good stuff right? Wrong! I want you to watch out for you dog - if you have one - and do not buy this medicine 'cause it literally "may cause death".

Later, I looked up the medicine on the internet and saw more possible symptoms than on the radio said. The advertisement had nothing to do with the benefits of the medicine, but everything that could go wrong.

Here's a list of some possible side effects: tiredness or anxiety and agitation, depression, sedation, staggering or an increase in drinking, urinating, and eating, with an increased tendency to bruise or bleed facial swelling, hives, scratching, shock, seizures, pale gums, cold limbs.

These are the too real shockers - Coma and/or Death.

Who really wants to buy this medicine that will help prevent seizures when one of the side effects is a seizure? So... if you really care for your dog's well-being do not buy this medicine. Just love your dog and go play with them a lot.

WOOF, LOOK MOMMY I'M SWIMMING!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Useful Nouns - Oprah

Last night, I was watching Oprah - causes she inspirational! The whole show was about reasons people love Oprah. One dude on the show (David Letterman) - one of Oprah's best friends - told his top ten reasons he loved Oprah. The number one reason he loved Oprah was because she gave away a new house to everybody in the audience - how much more inspirational can you get? Another time, I watched Oprah she gave $100,000 to some random hobo - sorry to all the hobo's that can't afford the internet - or cable TV - dang-it! - they can't watch Oprah... How do they live?

Well anyways, on the show, they showed a picture of the Statue of Liberty and the dude photoshop'd it to be a giant Oprah of Liberty.

I think the Statue should be changed to Oprah's face 'cause she's the most inspirational person in the America! Why do thousands of people a day go see some statue of some random person that nobody knows? That's why it should be Oprah!

After her amazing show, I told my mom that she should quit her job and become and Oprah audience member for her new job. Sometimes, she would have a bad day by only getting a $800 grill, and on a good day she'd be getting a house. So... if you ever get fired and can't find a job go to Chicago - where Oprah lives!! - and go to her shows all the time to support yourself - great job, get to see Oprah a lot and get stuff for free.

Oprah, I love you...Can I be on your show sometime?

The reasons why I love Oprah are... She's inspirational, INSPIRATIONAL!!!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

About Useful Nouns

Hey any creature that can afford the internet!

Once again, I'm starting a new series called "Useful Nouns". A noun - for people who haven't gone to school, paid attention at school, or eaten yucca - is a person, place, or object - all of those things are useful. So... I'll let you know about the most useful ones. Do you know of a useful noun...let me know and it can become a useful noun on this series. I'm always looking for input. Who doesn't love nouns?

I love Oprah Winfrey - WINFREY!

Monday, July 14, 2008

Digg'n in the Dictionary - gimbal (#7)

Gimbal is my seventh word in Digg'n in the Dictionary found on page 599 of my dictionary.

Gimbal as stated in the dictionary is "a device consisting of a pivoted ring or rings capable of swinging freely while mounted to a fixed frame".

What would the world do without gimbals?

Well, first of all we could not have the awesome pleasure of being around old people. Without, gimbals old people would not exist because they all have back problems - and lots of other issues - anyways, they would not be able to use there hips to stand - no gimbals, no standing.

Next, how could we have swings without swinging motion and fixed things - how would playgrounds function!! Swings are the best thing in a playground - it's a proven fact - they cause the most excitement going up and down. WEE!

Plus, I could not be random and act like an elephant - HHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEE - because my shoulder would be not usable without gimbals.

OINK! NEE-HA! HRREEE!

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Random Acts of Randomness - Super Dogs

Today, I went swimming with two black labs! As you may be wondering "Can dogs swim?" Well yes, dogs swim in Florida. They can also do other amazing things, such as, playing freebies continually until they die, hunting random things like squirrels, and surfing - yes surfing.

If you ever go to the beach in Florida don't be surprised if you see lots of dogs in the water - even if they're surfing! Many people want their dogs to be surfers in Florida and there are many different classes for your dog. We in Florida believe if it can swim, it can surf. Yes, have a goldfish - we have lessons for it to learn how to swim... but don't be surprised when your fish doesn't learn how to surf, because they only have an attention span of about 4 seconds... so what was I talking about again...? Oh yeah, well dogs are awesome, and they love to swim and surf... so... yes, visit Florida this summer to see the Surf and Swim Dog Olympics, coming to a city in Florida near you!

I smell like dog! Just kidding... eggs and bacon rock!

Friday, July 11, 2008

Random Acts of Randomness - Drinking with Straws

Today, I was trying a new V8 drink and I thought it would be nasty so I drank it through a straw. Drinking stuff through a straw makes things taste better, cause you don't have so much at once because the straws are tiny and your mouth is huge.

According to Dr. Oz on Oprah - Oprah is inspiration, INSPIRATIONAL - anyway, he told people that when you're born you have about 10,000 taste buds - that taste stuff you eat! He also told everybody that middle aged people only have 3,000 taste buds.

Anyway, I had to try this V8 drink that's nasty without a straw so I told my mom, "Gimme a straw so I can avoid taste buds." And she replied, "Okay...whatever." After drinking it with a straw it was so much better that I had drank a container's worth.

If you stick the straw halfway down your throat - since it's halfway down you avoid half of the taste buds - so you could only use about 5,000 of them, if you still have 10,000 of them!

Normally your mouth is very big and the straw is only about 1/2 cm in diameter so... you avoid tons of taste buds this way. In theory, you should only be using about 1,600 taste buds!

All these old people (grandparents and other elderly stuff) will tell you, "Try it, you'll like it." But according to Dr. Oz, since these people are really old they only have about 500 taste buds - they can't tell if stuff is nasty. So... have any senile family members? Give the broccoli to them instead of the dog. They will enjoy it with there insignificant amount of taste buds... that is why old people - who look like raisins (no offense to raisins) - enjoy nasty stuff like prunes.

WOOF WOOF! LICK LICK!

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Politically (In)Correct - Seedless Watermelon

Hey, Hey, Hey People!

Today, I decided to randomly go to the store (where shopping is a pleasure - PLEASURE!...Publix) and bought watermelon. When I went to buy it, I checked with the random person standing next to me to make sure it wasn't "nasty watermelon" (sweet watermelon is nasty watermelon - it ain't sweet) and the person said "It's just regular watermelon". And I said "Wow, that's awesome! Thanks person!"...

But anyway, I'm here to tell you why seedless watermelon is politically incorrect.

First of all, are we stupid or something? In seedless watermelon there is still white seeds. Does Corporate America really think we American's are that stupid? So... I told the produce dude, "Pick through my watermelon and remove all the white seeds 'cause I want it to be truly seedless." And he told me, "Well, I can't do that unless I turn it to mush...I don't think you would like mush." "Well...", I replied, "I don't want to eat something old people enjoy... so, I guess I'll have to deal with the white seeds. Dang-it!"

Another thing that makes watermelon politically incorrect is that in regular watermelon there are white and black seeds. So... what are we racist are something? Just like how we discriminant cow milk we discriminant watermelon. Why do the white seeds get to stay while the black one have to be removed?

Help in the petition against Watermelon Seeds Desegregation and Discrimination (WSDD). Visit (website coming soon!) to help.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Random Acts of Randomness - Waving to Random People

Hey people! Being the random person that I am, I want to tell you about totally random things I do in real life! I wanted to see how people would react while I waved at them with two towels on my head on a busy street. Well, I'll let you know about a couple people that reacted randomly.

1. Elderly women on a bicycle - She was riding her bike and I was standing there waving at people. She actually talked to me! Since she saw my towels on my head she said "have a good time swimming" even though I was in the middle of the intersection near no water!

2. Women driving a car - She was driving on the road and then stopped to say "hi, do you need help" and I'm like "Uhh...no I like waving at random people" and then she says "thats awesome" and I said, "I know have a random day!"

Other people waved back, gave me the peace sign, or honked. Which was awesome.

Let me know how other people reaction to you waving at them randomly on the street...HONK!

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Rock'n Condiments - Ketchup

Ketchup is another very useful and helpful condiment.

It comes in different shades of red and bottle designs. Ketchup should have the nickname of "Ket" cause that would be totally awesome. I wonder if you could buy low-fat ketchup - check at your local store and find out! Many people have discovered new and exciting uses for ketchup!

According to Reader's Digest, ketchup is being used as a shampoo that helps to get rid of chlorine green from swimming in pools and other chlorinated liquids. So... next time you take a shower first condition your hair with mayonnaise then shampoo it with ketchup a great alternative for regularly used products.

Other uses include... washing stuff with it! Some of the best items it cleans are jewelry, pots and pans. You put on the ketchup then wash it and dry it immediately. So...why take your rings to a jewelry store to clean it when all they do is put ketchup on it.

What could we definitely not do without ketchup?

Well, in the good old days - which would not be so good without ketchup - nobody could ever get hurt in a movie cause after someone is hit with a car nothing would happen to them - that could only happen to superman! I wonder how many pounds of ketchup the world consumes in a year - hope its less than mayo! Well, I found one crazy young guy that ordered only a whole box full of restaurant sized packets of ketchup and he got it! Wow, that’s crazy!

Mhmm...anything else to do with it...yeah - if you have kids, they'll love this one. Well, instead of being a boring old parent - not that you are - be hip and cool, take you ketchup out of the cold fridge along with the finger paints - substitute the ketchup for red finger paint! You can make a masterpiece then dip popcorn onto the paper and have an awesome snack later.

Why do we put ketchup on foods that don't go great with tomatoes? Like popcorn, many people do it but it's not a great combo. Why do people have problems with eating tomatoes versus ketchup? Come on, there the same thing - give the tomato a chance - one is just mashed up for the elderly.

How many things can you do with ketchup? Let me know how many you can figure out!

Viva La Ketchup!

Monday, July 7, 2008

Politically (In)Correct - Milk

What color is milk? White you might say... but is it really white? Are we being politically correct..?!?!?! While it appears to be white or off-white, what about all the different flavors of milk? It comes in chocolate, strawberry, banana and many more that I can't count. Where does chocolate milk come from, well if white milk comes from white cows... then chocolate milk must come from black cows. And what about those Hispanic cows... don't forget about them.


So... we can all conclude that milk may be white, black, tan or whatever color the cow is. Next time someone asks you what color milk is tell them it depends what type of cow it comes from.

Cows go Moo! Moo! or do they...?

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Digg'n in the Dictionary - tannage (#6)

Tannage is my sixth word in Digg'n in the Dictionary found on page 1463 of my dictionary.

Tannage as stated in the dictionary is "process the act or process of tanning something that has been tanned".

Have you ever been tannage'd? Well, I have plenty of times living near the World's Most Famous Beach. So...in that case I must have the World's Most Famous Tannage. Many people ask themselves should they tannage or not tannage? If you tannage you get the ultra-violet rays (ahha evil) and if you do not tannage you get chemicals from sunscreen. (mmmhm...intresting topic maybe ill write something random about this.)

Ilk, remember a time where your tannage was really strange and unusual. - yes it happens to you too - Tell me about your tannaging stories - nothing but funny and random please.

So...let me know what you think about tannage.

Happy tannaging today!
Go for the ultimate tan - sun-bleached. :)

Friday, July 4, 2008

Random Acts of Randomness - The Forth of July

Hey People and Primates of Various Species!

Today is the Fourth of July a very important holiday, but most of all I'm going to be doing random stuff - as usual. I'm going to be walking up to random people I don't know and hand them a flyer promoting this random awesome blog.

So... what are you going to do on the forth of July? Many people set off fireworks... I love fireworks because they are random... each one, no matter if they are the same type, color, and size, will explode a different way and go in different directions. It's a prime example of Randomology - which I will discuss sometime in the future.

Also, at the firework show you'll meet a ton of random people and dogs that are all dressed up ready to be amazed by random flashing colors. Actually, isn't that what the Forth of July is all about... minus the Independence Day part... a bunch of people getting together to eat some Fantastic Foods, then go gaze into the light of random flashing colors in the sky... idk any more...

Boom! Boom! Boom! Ahh!!!

Digg'n in the Dictionary - Defenestration (#5)

Defenestration is my fifth word in Digg'n in the Dictionary found on page 378 of my dictionary.

Defenestration as stated in the dictionary is "throwing out through a window".

This word is definitely a very useful word. Sometimes, I get so mad and angry all I want to do is defenestrate the person, or throw them out the window - cause they're garbage.

Do you ever feel the same way? Don't get mad...get that person defenestrated instead. Bad for them and refreshing to you.

Also, talk to your teacher or any other person about it and they'll probably have no idea what your talking about. So... next time someone gets you mad just tell them your going to defenestrate them and they may even agree to do it. :)

What would this world be without defenestration? I would feel bad for a suicidal people who could no longer defenestrate themselves. We would defiantly have more people on this Earth today.

Do not defenestrate yourself without a trained professional! :)

Note: Even though I mention suicidal people. I do not support suicide in any way shape or form. You should never attempt to kill yourself. If you have any suicidal thoughts, seek medicinal attention immediately... aka... pick up the phone and dial 911.

Fantastic Foods - Cereal

Hey people! Cereal is one fantastic food! You eat it in many different ways, plain, with milk - maybe with water - or as a topping on other foods such as ice cream. Yum. I love to eat it with milk and do that all the time, and I hate when you get down to the last little bit and have to start fishing for cereal - that should be a sport cause it's really hard to do - just to get the last bite to eat.

Also, it's small and has a small whole in the middle - like a donut (thats another story) - so that means you can't choke if you swallow it whole like some people like to do.

So...next time your shopping with your parents and bored at the grocery store, I have something fun to do... Ask to go to the cereal aisle and (make sure you have tape with you first) open random boxes of cereal and start switching the plastic bags inside of them... then tape the box closed, so it looks unharmed. Then when people buy Lucky Charms it'll have some old people cereal in it like Fiber One.

Don't you hate all the commercials about cereal...one after another geez. I get sick of seeing the they all say it'll help lower your cholesterol, but who cares? - nearly every type of cereal does it - making every cereal fantastically healthy.

So what do you eat for breakfast? If you didn't include cereal, your breakfast wasn't a nutritionally balanced breakfast... so tomorrow morning, be sure to add cereal to your breakfast meal.

Milk goes great with cereal!
Just eat it!

Thursday, July 3, 2008

About Random Acts of Randomness

Hola Muchachos y Muchachas del Internet! If you haven't guessed thats Spanish for Hello Boys and Girls of the Internet!

I don't speak Spanish, that was just totally random!!! That is what this series "Random Acts of Randomness" is all about.

I am going to tell you about my "Random Acts of Randomness" in hope that you will learn the ropes of being totally random. See my whole goal of this series is to further the knowledge of randomness, because randomness makes people laugh - including yourself - which has been proven to make you life years longer so...

Be random! Ilk word introrsed in (parenthesis) is parenthetically la!

Digg'n in the Dictionary - ilk (#4)

Ilk is my fourth word in Digg'n in the Dictionary found on page 710 of my dictionary.

Ilk as stated in the dictionary is "every; each, also".

I know what you may be thinking it's milk not ilk but ilk is really a word! Without the word ilk we could never be like "Hey ilk-body!" (say that next time you need to say everybody - haha - it'll be cool).

Also, whenever you order pizza they always ask you what you want on it. Well, why would you want to say peppers, extra cheese ect. Just say ilk, - they should know what it means :] and you'll get the works.

It's a very useful little word but not known to many people, so... spread the word to ilk-body.

PEACE! And may ilk-day be random!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Politically (In)Correct - Milk (Preview)

So... sorry, but I'm not yet done with my first post in this series, but I want to get some feedback first while I continue my research... ;D ... but here we go!

What color is milk? White you might say... but is it really white? Are we being politically correct..?!?!?! Come back in about a week - or sooner - and I'll have your questions answered.

Milk!

About Politically (In)Correct

Hello People on the Internet!

Once again I'm starting a new series called "Politically (In)Correct"! First... I can write about anything politically correct in this series, or as that parenthetical "in" shows, I could write about something politically incorrect... so... this should be exciting...

I hope you all comment on this point-of-view, so we may have a discussion going on within the comment!... Hope you enjoy the series... cause I know I will! Milk!

Fantastic Foods - Lychee

Lychee is a awesome fruit found in southern China. It is also spelled "Litchi". (which I think is better :]) Anyways, there are over 70 different types of lychee - wow thats alot!

In the early days, according to legends, ancient devotees have consumed 300 to 1,000 litchi per day. You know what they were busy doing all day, eating lychee.

Also, lychee is being used as medicine for tumors and enlarged glands - like your tongue - so next time your tongue enlarges eat lychee (if you can...).

Oh and the fruit is made into juice so next time you go to the grocery store buy some lychee juice if they have it instead of boring old orange juice. And if they don't have it go up to the customer service desk and tell them to special order it... because all stores can order it for you!

Digg'n in the Dictionary - introrse (#3)

Introrse is my third word in Digg'n in the Dictionary found on page 750 of my dictionary.

Introrse as stated in the dictionary is "facing forward" or "in the center."

Right now your are introrsing.. your facing forward looking at your computer screen... probably in the center of the room your in...how awesome!

We introrse all the time at school and anywhere really...(some people go crazy from introsephobia - it should be a phobia if it is not)

What would our lives be without introrsing? Well, we could never look at each other which would be horrible cause we could not face forward. Also, we could never walk into the center of something (like your bedroom - bet you love doing that).

Keep introrsing!

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

About Fantastic Foods

Hello People of the World!

Once again, I'm starting a new series called "Fantastic Foods"! The foods I will post about will have something fantastic about them, or I may have a twist on the Fantastic Food... and it may not have anything fantastic about it at all - it depends on my random mood! If it not a Fantastic Food... I'll make sure you know why it's not!

I hope everyone enjoys the new series "Fantastic Foods" because foods can sometimes just be fantastic! ... and remember your comments could help to spark the next food on "Fantastic Foods"

Warning: May Cause Death - The Letter "Y"

How many letters are in the alphabet? Most people would say 26 but I think there are only 25. In school, they teach you about the letter "y" and how it can be both used as a constant and vowel. Well in my opinion it should not be a letter at all if it cannot choose what kind it wants to be!

Ok... maybe it is useful but a confusing little letter. Without it we could not eat yams or go to New York.

Maybe it'll make up its mind soon and stop being so fussy and choose. Hope it decides to be a vowel (vowels are V.I.P.)...

About Warning: May Cause Death

This post is about the new series called "Warning: May Cause Death".

You may see this message on various items such as medicines labels, on a soda can, or just about - let's say - 78% of items...

But there are many things that "May Cause Death" and I want to warn you about them...

Hope you are readily informed about the new items in the series "Warning: May Cause Death".

Digg'n in the Dictionary - la (#2)

La is my second word in Digg'n in the Dictionary found on page 798 of my dictionary.

La as stated in the dictionary is "an exclamation expressing suprise or providing emphasis" or "the sixth tone of the diatonic scale."

So...this blog is La La its so...exciting. I cannot la believe that you can add emphasis with laing. Next time your bored try lalaing and add emphasis on random words.

Also...la means the sixth tone of some scale (not on a fish-haha parenthisis) which means you could not sing the Do–Re–Mi–Fa–So–La–Ti–Do song it would only be Do–Re–Mi–Fa–So–Ti–Do. That would be akward.

Enjoying laing.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Digg'n in the Dictionary - parenthetical (#1)

Parenthetical is my first word in Digg'n in the Dictionary found on page 1047 of my dictionary.

Parenthetical as stated in the dictionary is "of or having the nature of parenthesis"

So...(we could not do this without it!!!) Being (parenthetical) is having something in parenthesis so (parenthetical) is in parenthesis in this sentence.

Parenthesis are very useful; without them we would be living life without interjects (how strange) because parenthesis are also used to interject stuff like I did with how strange.

So...make sure you use parenthesis today and I hoped you enjoyed my teaching of parentheticalology (oh yeah, if thats even a word, if its not it should be!).

Addition: And how could you make smilies on the computer without parenthesis! :)

Sunday, June 29, 2008

About Digg'n in the Dictionary

I'm going to be starting a new series called "Digg'n in the Dictionary".

"What is Digg'n in the Dictionary?" you may ask. Well I am going to take my Webster's New World College Dictionary [Legal Stuff: © 2004 by Wiley Publishing, Inc. Cleveland, Ohio] and open it up to a random page with my eyes closed, and point to a word. That will be the Digg'n in the Dictionary Word of the Day... I hope that I can do this almost everyday...

Hope you all enjoy the Digg'n in the Dictionary Series

Rock'n Condiments - Mayonnaise

Mayonnaise is a very useful and helpful condiment. It comes in many shapes, forms, sizes, and jars. Mayonnaise is commonly named “Mayo”. Mayo comes in many different varieties such as light, regular, reduced fat etcetera.

One very great thing about mayo is that many people do not realize that you can eat it by itself or on different foods, such as crackers and sandwiches. Everybody should be careful about how much mayo they consume because it clogs your main arteries and can kill you eventually.

Mayo is largely consumed all over the world, especially in the most obese country, the United States of America. As www.nytimes.com says, “Mayo is king in New Orleans, where they eat 2.4 times as much as anywhere else.” This is amazing! They eat twice as much mayo as anywhere else on the planet.

Mayo is also commonly found in fruit dips and put on potatoes. What would the world do without mayonnaise? Many people would detest for this to happen, a world without mayo would be like a world without a sun, unable to live and sustain life. I think this because mayonnaise is always being sold all over the world, which helps our economy, and many people use it every day of their lives.

There are many myths to curing a cold or anything. Many people do not know but mayonnaise can be used as a facial cleanser, to reduce sunburn pain, or even used as a lubricant to get off tight rings and other tight objects that are stuck or not easy to move. According to Reader’s Digest, mayo is now being used to condition hair. In a recent article, Reader’s Digest says “Hold the mayo... and massage it into your hair and scalp just as you would any fine conditioner!”

People do not realize how useful a condiment can be. They are not there just to eat, but as presented above, they have many different uses in addition to the most common one.

Submitted with randomness,
Matthew

About Rock'n Condiments

My very first series is named "Rock'n Condiments"... How did you come up with this you may ask?

Well... being my random self... during a discussion my mom and my brother was having about writing a paper, my brother challenged me to right a paper (at least 250 words) about something hard... and I chose Mayonnaise... I soon found out when writing my paper on Mayonnaise that there are very amazing things - which you can read in my following post "Rock'n Condiments - Mayonnaise" - so I wanted to start a series about Condiments and how they rock!

Welcome to Random Awesome Stuff

Hello people on the Internet,

I'm Matthew and I love being totally random. Have you ever thought of the uses of condiments, the importance of colors, or how politically incorrect milk is? Well I have! I am going to keep you updated with the latest randomness of science, technology, food, animals, spoons, giraffes, and... just totally random stuff. I'm going to try to post daily, but it may turn out weekly. So tell all of your friends and random people you meet to visit my blog - or maybe its really our blog cause I'm going to involve you in random debates, polls, and quizzes - every so often because there will always be something new.


With randomness,
Matthew